We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
