I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
