Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
