i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
My bed smells like the plague
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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