There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
