That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
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I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
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The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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