I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
