Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
