It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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