I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
