dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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