I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
