What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
