Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
