Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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