he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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