I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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