You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
