i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Sober January is a disaster.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
