tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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