I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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