Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
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