Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
