i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
