Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
