I'm really into asian looking animals
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
