I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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