too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
