I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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