i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
