I want to make a zoo with you.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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