Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
