I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
