____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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