I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
