Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
