I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
