fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I currently don't understand fingers.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
