Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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