College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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