just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
