We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
