Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Every concussion has its silver lining
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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