3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
