I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
