At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
