dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
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