Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
