Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
