I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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