Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
