So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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