just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Randomize
