I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
