i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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