i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I deserve this hangover.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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