I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
