why didn't you poke me back
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
