it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
