she's into porn, im staying here tonight
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
