I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
We just shotgunned beers for America
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
