ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
