He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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