Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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