NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
We're using joints as your birthday candles
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
