He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
