She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
