I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
