Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
