I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Randomize
