dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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