bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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