Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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